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Also...in light of the fact that i wont be posting again for a long while i thought it would be worth mentioning that i actually have a big girl job...complete with a hunter green swivel chair, headset and stapler. yes. i just got the stapler today thank you very much. and it was like christmas all over again. and a brand new pair of scissors. there is nothing quite like the feeling of being the beneficiary of brand new office supplies. oh. and my own cubicle too. life is pretty good...
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so here it is...the blog that is going to blooooow your mind
and probably hurt your eyes.
i know no one is going to read all of this, so i want to throw this out there first, because its the most important. 
A dear friend gave me the book 'Battling Unbelief' the other day and...i skipped ahead-as in i actually didn't start at the beginning, to the chapter on impatience (*edit*thats actually kind of ironic now that i think about it) aaaand now officially want to squeeze John Piper more than ever. It starts as follows:
"Impatience is a form of unbelief. It's what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God's timing or the goodness of God's guidance. It springs up in our hearts when our plan is interrupted or shattered. It may be prompted by a long wait in a checkout line or a sudden blow that knocks out half of our dreams. The opposite of impatience is not a glib of denial of loss. It's a deepening, ripening, peaceful, willingness to wait for God in the unplanned place of obedience, and to walk with God at the unplanned place of obedience-to wait in his place, and go at his pace. And the key is faith in future grace."
"The opposite of impatience is a deepening, ripening, peaceful, willingness to wait for God in the unplanned place of obedience, and to WALK WITH GOD at the unplanned place of obedience."
Wooow, right? because the Lord really just fixed me on that sentence and i could really hear Him speaking to me so clearly through it...especially as this last month or so has been really...intense sanctification and God has been doing MUCH work in my heart, but in the midst of that i cant help but realized that the Lord is just SO kind...to allow all these things-both big and small to happen-and its really jabbed at a couple heartstrings and is revealing SO much sin and so many areas that i need to grow...and its been painful, but in spite of these last few weeks-especially during some of the days when i was tempted to wallow in the...emotional-ness of everything. Thats not even a word im sure of it...but it was those times in particular that God would come in and fill me with such an indescribable peace and joy-actually, knowing that He loves me so much...that He has allowed all these things to happen-ultimately for my benefit and for His glory...and that i may not only endure-but also realize that THROUGH those things He's giving me an opportunity-to REALLY seek Him and press into Him and glorify Him through my response to my circumstances. And He has indeed given me masses of undeserved grace through it all...
It's kind of funny...in the last several weeks i've had quite a few friends remind me of Philippeans 4:4-9, sooo after awhile i started to get the feeling that God was trying to tell me something: "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to everyone, the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything excellent, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and recieved and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
So thats kind of what im learning. Im not a writer or anything, i sometimes wish i could put my thoughts into words a bit more eloquently...
And on a completely unrelated note we went to Oklahoma for Christmas
thats...maybe half of us. probably not quite even that.
-and im now the proud owner of the first three seasons of The Office. I just started Season 3 if that tells you anything about how many we've watched in the last couple days...it kind of makes me sick to think of it...
soo i fell asleep a lot. during movies. reading books... and that is definitely uncharacteristic of me...one night i fell asleep watching the office on my laptop so the next morning at about 8:30 i woke up and my lamp was still on and my computer was sitting on the very edge of my bed, which MEANS...that i obviously dont move around a whole lot in my sleep and that is a very good thing. Because breaking my laptop wouldnt have been the merriest christmas thing.
Oh...and we did have electricity for Christmas-thanks for asking  they'd been without it the last few weeks because of all the ice storms but it was fully working when i was there. Praise the Lord.
It also seems like over the last few years we've developed some odd traditions for our Oklahoma christmases. One of which would be that i watch the same 20 minutes of A Christmas Story about 9 different times over the span of Christmas Eve and Christmas day-and we never see the end. Thats the really heartbreaking part...i'm always battling my grandpa, who would watch westerns every breathing hour of the day if you let him, and i have yet to aquire much of a taste for these types of movies...i try.
So other than that-i always watch East of Eden with my grandma-and drink tea and the last three years or so, the day after christmas we've gone to this old, almost shady looking used bookstore-and the very fact that this is now a tradition really makes me laugh, but i love it. Anyways, we always go there because at the end of the year my grandma gets these gift cards---every year. And i got...A Midsummer Nights Dream and The Merchant of Venice AND
...Where the Wild Things Are  and if you only knew that i diligently searched the childrens book section for the sole purpose of finding this book-and i knew it was a complete shot in the dark and i had actually given up hope after scouring shelf after shelf so i turned around to leave and behold! it was staring right at me, sitting on a little cart of books. I was ECSTATIC. And then i ran over to my dad to tell him all these things and how the Lord had sovereignly just placed it right in my path...and it turns out that it wasn't my dad at all, because this man was definitely too white. oooh snap. so thats when i made a nice little turn heading in the opposite direction and i think we both just pretended like it had never happened.
And we also went back to Arizona-i was only there for a day, but it was a nice trip back. I got to spend time with my grandparents and make holiday yummies and visit with a few old friends-Josh, Brittney and Briauna came over late Sunday night and we all got to hang out for awhile.
Then we drove home. And i think i have the flu...which is okay in the sense that i've been able to rest all day...and it was much needed rest i must say.
And goodbye xanga. also.
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| Since i've already put it off this long im going to wait TWO more days-which would put us at Wednesday night. And after that i will have tons to write about.
It'll probably be the longest single post of my life. and thats saying something, because i've written a couple doozies. | | |
| And i said i was going to update. AND i know if i dont do it now its never going to happen.
But the thing is i really dont feel like typing...so this will be interesting.
Well since October i've sailedacrosstheuniversetwiceandsawmutemathwenttoihopatoneinthemorningwent
halloweeningaspippylongstockingsturnedanotheryearolderandmybestfriendflewouttosurprisemeateareally
ickymushroomwentbacktorealestateschoolandgotafulltimejobanditsofficallywinterincaseanyonewaswondering.
thats kind of the gist of it all.
And now is about that point in my post that everything is going wonderfully. and God is so kind and faithful and gracious and is my breath of life and i honestly desire nothing else...and its true that God IS all of those things and a million more and that i do want to love Him and worship Him and do everything i do FOR Him...
thats all completely true. but i also cant just say that life is completely okay ALL the time and im not struggling or i dont ever wake up in the morning and want to question Gods faithfulness and His timing and whatever else may pop up in the moment.
And i dont say all of that to sound completely discouraging-because im not.
Back in...July-ish me and Sydney decided to memorize Psalm 139 aaaand it was probably one of the greatest things ive ever done, because just that one chapter has served as a constant reminder these last 4 or 5 months. Its not looong but it might be too much to write out the whole thing on my xanga. The part that i probably go back to the most though would be the first...ten verses.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me...etc
...i had a point but it IS getting late so i cant be sure...oh wait...well what i THINK i was going to say is that i dont say all of that to concern people if im kind of sounding like an eeyore or anything, because that would be completely missing the point. i think i was actually in a weird sort of way meaning it as an encouragement? its just been so good lately to go back to...1 Peter 3:18 through...part of 20.
"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit , in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey..."
so even when im not necessarily 'feeling' Gods presence just enfolding me like a warm blanket or anything...that doesn't change my standing before God. You know some mornings i'm tempted from the beginning...and i do mean the very beginning of the day to wallow in the vastness of my sin or to become so focused on myself that i need to actually sit down and remind myself that my GREATEST need has already been met. I was a sinner-separated from God and deserving of the full force of his holy wrath-but CHRIST PAID FOR MY SINS. My greatest need HAS been met-even on those days that im not feeling so hot or am tempted to dwell on everything in my life that doesnt seem quite right or what i would want to change.
i feel like im starting to ramble now.  so that probably means i should just go to bed. this isnt exactly the post i was planning on writing or anything...just a little of what i was thinking these last...20 minutes or so.
Anyways. i know no one reads these anymore, but if you DO...hope you all are doing well my old xanga friends!
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| that its time for an update-which isnt coming tonight, because its getting too late.
that and i havent quite decided WHAT i want to update about...because a lot has happened since october. a LOT a lot.
check back soon. its coming. | | |
| as much as i've been in denial for...the last year? there just comes a time when you have to face the facts. and people...
xanga is basically dead.
although i cant bring myself to delete my account. ive been on here for 886 days. yes, thats a long time. and thats alota posts, so as far as im concerned they're going to live on...even if im not around.
so this isn't goodbye. its just...goodbye.
ill get on every month or so and give you all an update maybe? or if something REAAAAALLY amazing happens. but it would have to be reaaaaally amazing.
My farewell post will be as follows:
For all of you lovlies in Arizona...i do miss you, but it has been (nearly) five months since i left and i know ive said it before, but i do know that God made no mistake in moving us here. and i am so grateful. i love the church and the people and everything about Charlotte more than i could ever have imagined...it feels like home, and i honestly wouldn't move back, if given the choice, because i feel so confident that this is where God has me now. That could always change, but i would be completely content to stay here for-ev-er.
These last couple weeks-actually, the last couple months really, but even MORE SO the last few weeks, God has been so faithful to point me back to Himself as being ALL that i need. My first love. My joy. My strength.
This summer Matthew 6:33 was my anthem. It was what i kept going back to on a daily basis...and still do.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
but now i have another one to add to it. One simple phrase in Pslam 34 stuck in between about 20 other AMAZING verses. (also one of my favorite chapters in Psalm actually)
v. 10b "Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."
I want to say...and I think i can honestly say that my hearts desire is to love God with every bone in my body. Haha. I want to say that God has me lovestoned...for you JT fans out there. I also would really appreciate your prayers. Life is good, i cant complain. But I'm also realizing i have to make a lot of decisions. But not like...the 'normal' kind of decisions, although i'm still working on those too, like where im supposed to work, school etc. They're more like i'm having to really evaluate my heart and pray and talk to my parents and friends and make decisions based on truth...and not what i feel. And not only determine WHAT i need to do, but that God will grace me with the selflessness to actually act upon those convictions and decisions.
Oh. One last thing. I went camping this last weekend. Well...the weekend BEFORE this last weekend. And i have pictures. They're kind of/sort of self explanitory. We camped. In tents. And it was FREEZING at night. I slept with my puffy jacket on and my hood up all night. And we ate smores-with Heath instead of Hersheys. Which was good for a change. But Hersheys is still probably my favorite. Went 'frolicking in the woods' with Steph. And Kristy. And then we hiked 9 miles. And passed Santa Land on our way home. But didnt stop. Unfortunately. And never got our coloring book...which IS okay. Next roadtrip. And i kept Tim (our driver tim) awake on last part of the trip home.
Kristy and me.
Jay...and me.
Kristy, Jeni & Steph. My buddies.
Definitely after the hike...i nearly fell asleep in Stephie's lap.
and this IS my new favorite picture. Candid pictures are my favorite. And theres just something about this one...its amazing. I love it.
El Fin.
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